Editorial Comments, Re: From Letter to Litter

http://www.mtulode.com/article/2009/04/15/letter-litter

First and foremost, I'd like to applaud Ms. Wilson on taking a stand on the issue. (Along with comma over-use awareness) Most people don't stand up against litter, but it is a problem and we do need to talk about it. Now that we've named the elephant in the living room, lets think of some ways to get it out of the house. We've already ascertained that Styrofoam is the bane of campus. (If only they made a sort of biodegradable and Eco-friendly form...oh wait...) Anyway, lets try to think of a better solution. Of course Ms. Wilson was only joking in her article when she referred to items like shoes, fruit, and fabric. I realized she was pulling our respective legs after trying to figure out how in the world any of those items would change the fact that the letters weren't picked up. It wouldn't make any difference, it didn't make any sense! Good one Lena. (Almost as good as the one about Styrofoam melting)

So after a hearty laugh at Ms. Wilson's joke, i started to think of serious answers to her brave question. I came up with the perfect solution: Paraffin wax! This wax is naturally made, easy to cut, has no ecological impact, and can be easily picked up by the sweeper machines that maintenance busts out every spring! (It doesn't melt until roughly 120 F, so it won't discolour the lawns) Well now we have a solution, i think it's the best solution we've had since the Jell-o ban (See Ms. Wilson's article) Now it's time to implement our plan. On behalf of Lena Wilson, I'm calling on all statue builders currently using Styrofoam to label your statues to switch to wax this coming year.

Oh, and while we're at it, let's do something about that cigarette butt problem too. I'm calling on the university to put out some kind of receptacle near the smoking entrances to buildings. If i were to design one, it would have a large base and slope up towards a smaller post about hip-height with a small hole about the size of a quarter near the top. I would also make them grey.

NOTE: This article is 100% pure, USDA certified satire, and should not be taken seriously. Have a nice day and thanks for shopping with us.

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