Editorial Comments, Re: From Letter to Litter

http://www.mtulode.com/article/2009/04/15/letter-litter

First and foremost, I'd like to applaud Ms. Wilson on taking a stand on the issue. (Along with comma over-use awareness) Most people don't stand up against litter, but it is a problem and we do need to talk about it. Now that we've named the elephant in the living room, lets think of some ways to get it out of the house. We've already ascertained that Styrofoam is the bane of campus. (If only they made a sort of biodegradable and Eco-friendly form...oh wait...) Anyway, lets try to think of a better solution. Of course Ms. Wilson was only joking in her article when she referred to items like shoes, fruit, and fabric. I realized she was pulling our respective legs after trying to figure out how in the world any of those items would change the fact that the letters weren't picked up. It wouldn't make any difference, it didn't make any sense! Good one Lena. (Almost as good as the one about Styrofoam melting)

So after a hearty laugh at Ms. Wilson's joke, i started to think of serious answers to her brave question. I came up with the perfect solution: Paraffin wax! This wax is naturally made, easy to cut, has no ecological impact, and can be easily picked up by the sweeper machines that maintenance busts out every spring! (It doesn't melt until roughly 120 F, so it won't discolour the lawns) Well now we have a solution, i think it's the best solution we've had since the Jell-o ban (See Ms. Wilson's article) Now it's time to implement our plan. On behalf of Lena Wilson, I'm calling on all statue builders currently using Styrofoam to label your statues to switch to wax this coming year.

Oh, and while we're at it, let's do something about that cigarette butt problem too. I'm calling on the university to put out some kind of receptacle near the smoking entrances to buildings. If i were to design one, it would have a large base and slope up towards a smaller post about hip-height with a small hole about the size of a quarter near the top. I would also make them grey.

NOTE: This article is 100% pure, USDA certified satire, and should not be taken seriously. Have a nice day and thanks for shopping with us.

Fanmail/Hatemail can be sent to bodhicoyote.mtu@gmail.com

The Lode: Journalism in Question

Ladies and gentlemen, something very troubling has taken place: the integrity of the Michigan Tech Lode is in question. I came to this startling conclusion as I was playing my favorite game: Where's the Typo? In this game, I go through the Lode news articles and highlight the grammatical and spelling mistakes with a yellow highlighter. In the past three issues I've found 29 spelling, grammar, and journalistic mistakes. Some more nit-picky than others, but i think within reason. I generally forgive most run-on sentences and pretty much have to forgive nonsensical dribble. (I don't do the opinion section, the doctor says I'm not allowed to read those anymore since the episode with the 9-iron and the fan-boat. Two more meetings!) This last week though, something awful happened: I found an article with no errors! In the April 1, 2009 edition of the Lode, on page 2-A, there is an article written by a Mr. Justin Jones which had no errors whatsoever! It was even interesting! I called up the Lode office and asked if this was some kind of sick April Fools joke. I mean, a Lode article with no spelling or grammar or otherwise mistakes? This had to be a ruse. They assured me that it wasn't and hung up (rather rudely, I thought). Personally, I'm worried about the direction that the Lode is headed. What if there's even less mistakes in the next one? What will we do? That's why I'm urging everyone to get out their dictionaries and highlighters when they read the Lode, look for mistakes, if only to put our minds at ease. I think we owe it to ourselves as a student body to be sure that the Lode stays as batshit crazy as possible. We need a paper that prints hearsay without checking sources and facts. A paper that doesn't edit their work before it's printed! A newspaper that writes articles on events that they may or may not have attended, and then just completely makes shit up. The last thing we need these days, ladies and gentlemen, is journalistic integrity. Please write your senator and local Lode editor and support our cause.